We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
