He is such a slut. More and more my type.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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