I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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