brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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