When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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