plz talk dirty to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
