He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
