You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
