The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
