covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
