We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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