Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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