Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize