if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
