i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
