my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
