I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
