So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And then he peed in my hair
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