he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
