you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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