When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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