Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
