His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
