Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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