dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
