I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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