i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
