I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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