its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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