Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
