Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize