Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i think my cat just said my name.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
