Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
