I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
