My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
