life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
