Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
