Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
