I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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