When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
