mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize