i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
