i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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