she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
