Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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