i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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