I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
