do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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