I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
