we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
