I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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