I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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