He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Too much gin, very little bucket
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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