rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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