Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
