can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
