Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
