she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
