the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
