My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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