Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
