i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
