Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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