I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
