im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
