Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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