I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
