Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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