update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
