you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
