Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
