My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
