I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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