He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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