I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
