dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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